Exposed - 5 Things That Can Still Knock My Confidence

Cards on the table, I haven't always been the most honest person. I have lied through my teeth for what feels like a lifetime. I'm going to show you my real hand. Some of my friends don't even know this...I was a very frightened, very lonely and extremely confused kid. Growing up I had to work pretty hard to fake my confidence.

My coping mechanism was to radiate confidence, be the fun one, the happy one and show I was able to cope and do my best at all my school activities. I applied myself and through my achievements I got people to focus on what I was good at.  My strategy was to make everyone think I was fine and that everything at home was fine too. I never imagined opening up, being vulnerable and asking for help could be a good thing...

It may explain why at fourteen I chose to go down the performing arts route, I needed to learn how to maintain this illusion. I guess you could say I had to fake it until I could make it.

I have never been good at asking for help or making myself vulnerable. Until now that is.
Despite the fact I am a confidence coach now - I am still vulnerable to knocks. I bruise too. I wanted to write this post to remind people that even the most confident people in this world can be affected by everyday situations.  We may not moan about it, or let you know - but it can still have an affect on us.

Exposed: 5 things that can still knock my confidence: 

• When a friendship I have invested in isn't reciprocated - this always upsets me. 
• When I have poured myself into project only to discover I am the one doing the lion's share. 
• Men. 
• Family. 
• Sickness & death.

Confidence is something that I still have to work at - as you can see from the above - some situations just elude me. Some days my confidence levels are more topped up than others. You heard it here first. I am human. I am not some machine that is 100% confident and operating at 100% confidence in every possible situation I encounter.  No-one is perfect, we all suffer bad days, encounter situations that can trigger insecurities and affect us in different ways.

Here are 5 things I have learnt from the above scenarios: 

• To stop investing my energy into people who are not appreciative of me. I practice gratitude for the friendships I have got and focus on all that I have that is good. 
• I consider my strengths, take stock of my weakness and remember to be more cautious about how much I give and not to surround myself with 'takers'. People that take advantage of my giving nature leave me feeling empty, used and not appreciated. 
• I'm still learning about the way the male mind works... [lol] ask me in another 10 years. Seriously, the biggest lesson I have learnt is to appreciate the differences and open up the lines of communication. You have to be vulnerable and expose yourself, potentially to being hurt. 
• Not everyone is blessed with a strong family bond. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of all the negativity, including family and focus on the people who bring goodness and happiness into your life. 
• I have accepted that sickness and death can happen at any time - and to good people. Life is so precious and we must make the most of it. This is why I chose to live a life on my own terms. 

Ultimately a confidence low will arise when you are in a situation you feel you aren't able to influence or change. Your emotions will get the better of you. You'll lose confidence in your ability to make rational decisions. This happens to the best of us, trust me! 

There will always be some areas in your life that leave you feeling more vulnerable and expose you to lows. That's life. It's what you learn from each situation and how you recover that defines you.

Stay focused and stay fabulous. 

Roberta x 

If you are interested in lifestyle and confidence coaching with me you can head on over to the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk to find out more. 

14 Ways To Feed Your Confidence

Confidence grows with time. But you can fast track confidence and learn new ways to embed confidence from your very core.

Confidence manifests itself in everything we do, in every aspect of our lives and how we treat ourselves and allow ourselves to be treated by others. It all adds up.

Consider every moment from: 

1. the type of sleep you get, 
2. what you eat, 
3. how much water you drink, 
4. the amount of exercise to take, 
5. the words you use when you talk, 
6. how you interact with people, 
7. the clothes you wear 
8. the way you hold yourself (body language)
9. what you do when you relax and socialise, 
10. how you apply yourself to work tasks, 
11. how you plan, 
12. how react to difficult situations, 
13. how you process your emotions,
14. your reactions to things you cannot control... 

As I said, confidence can manifest itself in every single thing you do. You just have to tap into it and use every opportunity to your advantage.

You become like the people you surround yourself with 

You can start to build your confidence by being around people that are confident, that are happy and that are making a success of their life.

People's attitudes are contagious - are the people's attitudes that you currently surround yourself with worth catching?

Confidence can be intimidating...

Not everyone is ready or willing to be around people that exude confidence and dare to be different. Occasionally you'll experience the 'haters' in life - the ones that try to bring confident people down. That's just par for the course and a real reflection on them and their own insecurities. Don't let that stop you on your own personal journey. In order to be different, we have to become different - sometimes that means leaving some people behind.

Confidence can be empowering 

Decide who you want to be - and go for it.

It's easier than you may think to make new friends and be in communities where confidence flows freely like a stream. These are the communities you need to seek out. You can try Facebook, Meet-Up, local groups at the library, free fitness in the community - there are a bunch of things out there right under your nose. You just have to look for it.

There are no limits. Only the ones you set for yourself.

We can all benefit from outside help and encouragement - if are looking for a coach please check out my website to find out more.

Stay fabulous

Roberta x

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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3 Things To Ask Yourself When Considering Sustainable Styling

Featured brand: DFYnorm 

What do I mean when I talk about sustainable fashion? 

I'm talking about wearing what you've got, being creative, maximising your clothes so you get as much as you can from one item. Then when you do buy a new piece - make it a piece that will last. Try to get up to 5 different outfits out of your item - make it a wardrobe staple. Take a look at my style challenge with just 3 key items from the DFYnorm collection. 

Make it a conscious purchase - rather than impulsive | 3 Things To Ask Yourself  

1. Before you rush to buy something stop and consider if you need it. 
2. Then stop to check it's been well made, it should be so well made you can wash it a 100 times and it will survive.
3. Look at the structure - would a tailor be able to open the seems and make it fit you like a glove?

The brand whose pockets you are lining don't deserve to be paid the high ticket price unless they are putting the work in behind the scenes. I don't know about you but I want to know who made my clothes. 

Ethical and sustainable fashion questions | 3 Things To Ask Yourself 

1. Do they source their materials ethically? 
2. Do they run their business in a way that is sustainable? 
3. Do they care? 

These are the questions that the new conscious fashionistas are asking. I've joined them. I care. Here at Roberta Style Lee we care - about people, the planet, ourselves, so it seems like a pretty good fit (excuse the pun) to align the RSL brand with other brands that give a damn. 

A sustainable shopping and styling approach 

I am having a severe reaction to mass produced fast fashion. I see all these 'new' clothes that get produced and I know many of these items will never make it off the hanger, they are clothes that live a lifetime at the back of the wardrobe with the tags on... and there seems to be no real signs of this consumer mass purchasing behaviour slowing down. But we can make a difference - one by one - if we dare to defy the fashion trends and stop buying stuff we don't need, in our own little way we can contribute. 

Guilty 

I have the guilt. I was one of those shoppers. A person who in my twenties shopped for a new outfit for every new night out - I had so many items of everything I couldn't count how many I had of any one thing. 

Making amends 

I used to really enjoy that feeling of buying something new. I had this positive association and a little buzz from the purchase - but I noticed that would soon fade once I got home. Then I'd be keen for my next hit... 

It's not about chucking out stuff you own that isn't produced by an ethical or sustainable brand - it's about using what you already have. You cannot undo what has already been done. But you can make damn sure that you make the most out of it.  Last year I put myself on a strict ban. I was not allowed to buy anything new unless I really needed it. 

I started to become more aware of throw away fashion when pop-up pre-loved designer sales started happening up and down the country. I got involved with a friend who set up her own business a few years back and helped her launch her first event. I worked as a stylist for the day and saw how easy it was to fall for someone else's ex. 


Withdrawal symptoms 

When I decided to change - it was tough. The first 6 months not buying things was really difficult. It was like an addiction. I did however manage to curb my shopaholic ways and started to just buy what I needed.

In 2015 year I became an brand ambassador for Bella Kinesis, an ethical sports brand that produces beautiful fitness clothing for women. This was my first conscious step into ethical fashion. 

I then decided to look at how I could be more sustainable with my fashion and I volunteered at one the Save the Children Boutiques.  I started to use my creativity again and when I got into the swing of it I was dressing the window display, re-working the outfits on the mannequins - showing shoppers how to turn an evening dress into a daytime dress etc. I realised I had had the ability to remain stylish without buying new clothes all the time. 

And so sustainable styling became a thing for me! 


Getting to know ethical brands 

In the main image above, I am wearing DFYnorm items from the transeasonal range - all crafted to a high standard. The company is new, but has big ideas about where it is heading. You can see my review of the range here. I like this brand a lot. I love what they represent.

I will be publishing a list of my favourite ethical brands soon in a new RSL directory (watch this space)  if you have any suggestions for ethical/sustainable brands that you would like me to review and include in the directory please leave me a comment. 

I hope you enjoyed this blog!

Stay fabulous (in a sustainable way of course!)

Roberta x 

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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4 Questions To Ask Yourself When You Make A Mistake

Writing about what I experience in my life and analysing what happens when I do certain things is how I have managed to be stay very level headed.  It gives me the confidence I need to just keep going and not let little matters interfere with the bigger picture. But since I am human and not a robot - I can still be thrown off my guard. 

One of the things that can occur when you get so focused on removing negativity from your life is your brain can go into auto-pilot. Especially the female brain - it is hardwired to refer back to emotional situations that we've experienced previously, or even ones we've been told about - we then compare the likeness and make a decision based on a current situation and lots of scenarios before. Annoyingly it can jump to conclusions. Sometimes we can act in haste to protect ourselves and then - whoops - we realise we were too quick to react. 

It is a perfectly legitimate method and one that I will continue to use. It is however not fool proof. When we add 'emotions' into the mix we tend not to think as rationally as we normally would.

Every once in a while you will encounter a situation that you are not able to fix, console, understand or even relate to. And that's OK. 

The life long learner in me always wants to 'explore further, grasp what is really going on and then get closure' on anything that seems to escape my understanding.

The truth is nobody is perfect. We can all make the wrong assumption about a situation or another person too quickly, we are all capable of acting irrationally at times.

In today's modern world we have added complexities of communication streams going through digital channels - when trying to resolve a situation with someone it is always best done face-to-face. Always. 

When situations like this occur for me, they tend to be matters too close to my heart. I need to step away from it for a few days focus on something else and then take a fresh look at the situation. I always seek an outside perspective and get a non bias point of view. This helps me get my own thoughts and emotions into check. Having a lot of friends and acquaintances that are coaches does help mind you... 

4 Questions To Ask Yourself When You Make A Mistake

• How do you feel about the outcome? 
• Could you have reacted differently? 
• What might you do in a similar situation next time?
• What would you expect to happen next time? 

Everything we experience is an opportunity to learn and grow... we all mistakes but it's what we do afterwards that counts. How we behave and handle a situation defines us more than the situation itself. 

Go forth and be bold, make mistakes and have confidence in yourself that you will learn and be a better person for experiencing it. 

Trust your instincts but be prepared to be wrong - because sometimes...we make mistakes.

If you have ever wondered about about coaching you can find out more here. 


Stay fabulous 

Roberta x 

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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5 Things Other People May Think About Your Confidence

Confidence... we talk about it a lot but what does it really mean? It's often confused for a lot of other things that don't sound quite as nice. 

Let's think about all of the reactions we can have when somebody walks into a room with a smile, an ability to hold eye contact, no stuttering, no signs of self-doubt and an abundance of self-belief...

5 Things Other People May Think:

1. They are fake (no-one can be that confident and self-assured...surely?)
2. They are arrogant (they think they are better than everyone else)
3. They are intimidating (their energy and enthusiasm can be overbearing for introverts)
4. They are annoying (their happy vibes with smiles, positive antidotes and jokes can just be 'too much' for some people who are more 'glass half empty')
5. They are self-righteous (being sure of who they are and what they believe in can inspire confidence but it can also alienate some people)

And that's just 5 of the top less desirable reactions that have come up after speaking to lots of coaches. Now there are so many positives but we must also be aware of the confusion that powerful confidence causes. 

So what does confidence really mean - let's take a look at what Google says:

So from this it seems fair to say that confidence is a feeling people can have about you and the state of mind an individual can have when they go about their life. 

When you tap into your confidence supplies you are rewarded with an ability to overcome fears and do what you love without worrying about what others will think, say or do. In life no matter what path you chose you will always encounter 'haters' or 'non-believers' these people tend to be scared to do what you do, their reaction will always try and bring you down.  As your confidence soars - you won't be distracted by this. Instead it will motivate you to help these people use their energy for better things. 

If you are interested in learning more about confidence techniques and maybe even having a sample session with a coach, head on over to my website at: www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

Stay fabulous folks!

Roberta x

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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