Exposed - 5 Things That Can Still Knock My Confidence

Cards on the table, I haven't always been the most honest person. I have lied through my teeth for what feels like a lifetime. I'm going to show you my real hand. Some of my friends don't even know this...I was a very frightened, very lonely and extremely confused kid. Growing up I had to work pretty hard to fake my confidence.

My coping mechanism was to radiate confidence, be the fun one, the happy one and show I was able to cope and do my best at all my school activities. I applied myself and through my achievements I got people to focus on what I was good at.  My strategy was to make everyone think I was fine and that everything at home was fine too. I never imagined opening up, being vulnerable and asking for help could be a good thing...

It may explain why at fourteen I chose to go down the performing arts route, I needed to learn how to maintain this illusion. I guess you could say I had to fake it until I could make it.

I have never been good at asking for help or making myself vulnerable. Until now that is.
Despite the fact I am a confidence coach now - I am still vulnerable to knocks. I bruise too. I wanted to write this post to remind people that even the most confident people in this world can be affected by everyday situations.  We may not moan about it, or let you know - but it can still have an affect on us.

Exposed: 5 things that can still knock my confidence: 

• When a friendship I have invested in isn't reciprocated - this always upsets me. 
• When I have poured myself into project only to discover I am the one doing the lion's share. 
• Men. 
• Family. 
• Sickness & death.

Confidence is something that I still have to work at - as you can see from the above - some situations just elude me. Some days my confidence levels are more topped up than others. You heard it here first. I am human. I am not some machine that is 100% confident and operating at 100% confidence in every possible situation I encounter.  No-one is perfect, we all suffer bad days, encounter situations that can trigger insecurities and affect us in different ways.

Here are 5 things I have learnt from the above scenarios: 

• To stop investing my energy into people who are not appreciative of me. I practice gratitude for the friendships I have got and focus on all that I have that is good. 
• I consider my strengths, take stock of my weakness and remember to be more cautious about how much I give and not to surround myself with 'takers'. People that take advantage of my giving nature leave me feeling empty, used and not appreciated. 
• I'm still learning about the way the male mind works... [lol] ask me in another 10 years. Seriously, the biggest lesson I have learnt is to appreciate the differences and open up the lines of communication. You have to be vulnerable and expose yourself, potentially to being hurt. 
• Not everyone is blessed with a strong family bond. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of all the negativity, including family and focus on the people who bring goodness and happiness into your life. 
• I have accepted that sickness and death can happen at any time - and to good people. Life is so precious and we must make the most of it. This is why I chose to live a life on my own terms. 

Ultimately a confidence low will arise when you are in a situation you feel you aren't able to influence or change. Your emotions will get the better of you. You'll lose confidence in your ability to make rational decisions. This happens to the best of us, trust me! 

There will always be some areas in your life that leave you feeling more vulnerable and expose you to lows. That's life. It's what you learn from each situation and how you recover that defines you.

Stay focused and stay fabulous. 

Roberta x 

If you are interested in lifestyle and confidence coaching with me you can head on over to the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk to find out more. 

10 reasons to phase those people out...

It's about time you took care of yourself and stopped putting the needs of others before your own. That's right, it's OK to be selfish. In order to be successful in life you need to surround yourself with people who support your passion and commitments, love you for all the things you are good at, and all the things you are not. 

This is probably why they say you can count on one hand the people you can truly rely on.

Here are 10 good reasons why you should phase out those people in your life that bring you misery in all it's forms, from subtle to downright anguish. 

1. They make you doubt your self worth. 

2. They make you feel upset, insecure or less happy than you were before you saw them.

3. They take but never give.

4. They don't make you feel special or important.

5. They never make the effort to see you, it's always you doing the leg work.

6. You can count on one hand all the times they have said and done unforgivable things. 

7. It just feels like too much hard work. 

8. You are a second thought or not even a priority in their lives.

9. You've considered unfriending them on social media many times, but chickened out (trust your instincts - just do it).

10. You can't list 5 things that you truly love about them. 

To summarise

If they don't bring happiness and joy to the party, don't invite them. It's your life - your party. Life is too darn short to live on other peoples terms. 

Try this exercise 

Write down what makes you happy and what doesn't. Then see whether or not the people you surround yourself with come to the party with gifts galore or empty handed, or worse still leave with more than they turned up with. 

Stay focused, fit and healthy - and remember YOU are fabulous, but as with all of us, there is always room for improvement. 

Life can be brutal. But that doesn't mean you should should just sit back and suffer. The people in your life have a responsibility to bring happiness into your life too. 


Stay fab.
Roberta x

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

GET REVIEWED | COLLABORATIONS | PARTNERSHIPS | SIGN UP TO THE NEWSLETTER