Cards on the table, I haven't always been the most honest person. I have lied through my teeth for what feels like a lifetime. I'm going to show you my real hand. Some of my friends don't even know this...I was a very frightened, very lonely and extremely confused kid. Growing up I had to work pretty hard to fake my confidence.
My coping mechanism was to radiate confidence, be the fun one, the happy one and show I was able to cope and do my best at all my school activities. I applied myself and through my achievements I got people to focus on what I was good at. My strategy was to make everyone think I was fine and that everything at home was fine too. I never imagined opening up, being vulnerable and asking for help could be a good thing...
It may explain why at fourteen I chose to go down the performing arts route, I needed to learn how to maintain this illusion. I guess you could say I had to fake it until I could make it.
I have never been good at asking for help or making myself vulnerable. Until now that is.
Despite the fact I am a confidence coach now - I am still vulnerable to knocks. I bruise too. I wanted to write this post to remind people that even the most confident people in this world can be affected by everyday situations. We may not moan about it, or let you know - but it can still have an affect on us.
Exposed: 5 things that can still knock my confidence:
- When a friendship I have invested in isn't reciprocated - this always upsets me.
- When I have poured myself into project only to discover I am the one doing the lion's share.
- Men.
- Family.
- Sickness & death.
Confidence is something that I still have to work at - as you can see from the above - some situations just elude me. Some days my confidence levels are more topped up than others. You heard it here first. I am human. I am not some machine that is 100% confident and operating at 100% confidence in every possible situation I encounter. No-one is perfect, we all suffer bad days, encounter situations that can trigger insecurities and affect us in different ways.
Here are 5 things I have learnt from the above scenarios:
- To stop investing my energy into people who are not appreciative of me. I practice gratitude for the friendships I have got and focus on all that I have that is good.
- I consider my strengths, take stock of my weakness and remember to be more cautious about how much I give and not to surround myself with 'takers'. People that take advantage of my giving nature leave me feeling empty, used and not appreciated.
- I'm still learning about the way the male mind works... [lol] ask me in another 10 years. Seriously, the biggest lesson I have learnt is to appreciate the differences and open up the lines of communication. You have to be vulnerable and expose yourself, potentially to being hurt.
- Not everyone is blessed with a strong family bond. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of all the negativity, including family and focus on the people who bring goodness and happiness into your life.
- I have accepted that sickness and death can happen at any time - and to good people. Life is so precious and we must make the most of it. This is why I chose to live a life on my own terms.
Ultimately a confidence low will arise when you are in a situation you feel you aren't able to influence or change. Your emotions will get the better of you. You'll lose confidence in your ability to make rational decisions. This happens to the best of us, trust me!
Stay focused and stay fabulous.
Roberta x
If you are interested in lifestyle and confidence coaching with me you can head on over to the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk to find out more.
