Life isn't actually that complicated - We just need to reboot

When I overthink it, my life seems pretty darn complicated: my career, my finances, my home, my family, my friends- and trying to plan for the future, my love life, or lack of (finding a decent guy in London feels like a job!) - and everything else in between.

It all seems like an overwhelming list of things to contend with - trouble is once I feel overwhelmed, everything can feel quite complicated.

That is, until I learnt to address the basic stuff first, like my health - then the rest became a lot easier.

I realised it's actually lots of little things (all cleverly connected), but essentially quite small simple things that need to be addressed calmly... and that's easier when you've got a healthy mind and body.

Take time out

After 24-months of intense contracting work, very full-on positions with a great deal of emotional stress placed upon me - I decided I was going to take a few months off. I'm genuinely so much better off and happier now, because I'm health first, everything else second. 

It was during this time off, I began a bit of a detox and review of my health. I was overweight, didn't feel great, exhausted, was drinking a lot when I went out to compensate for not having much time for anything else. So the fast paced seriously stressed lifestyle it turns out wasn't healthy for me. But then is it healthy for anybody? Not really. Time out to recharge your batteries is essential for everyone.

I have deliberately slowed down and I have been able to see things a little more clearly, this has enabled me to make some very healthy lifestyle changes and appreciate things from a different point of view. 

First, find a place to be with your thoughts.

We all need a place where we can think. 

I'm lucky to have a great view from my sitting room. I have a lovely tree arching around outside the window, a pond with beautiful fish (and that gentle sound of fresh water) and general greenery...it is really very relaxing. 

This has become my much needed sanctuary.  

I get my best ideas working from this space, I am able to rationalise my thoughts, clear the noise in my head, and instead of flustering over the 150 things I need to do, I am able to calmly address each one in a logical pattern and my brain is able to operate at functional pace. 

Digital Detox

We live in such a hyper-connected world these days, it's become harder than ever to switch off.  We are saturated in stimuli, distractions and demands.  Finding some time for yourself where you can relax and get in your zone is so important. I found working from home one day a week was beneficial, but sometimes what you need to do is just get offline. 

You'll find that switching off to social media and the digital world very difficult if you are active in many social networks on a daily basis (and you enjoy it). But what you think is fun to begin with can become an addiction. 

The important thing to remember is to find time to be present, in the here and now, the physical-self and the mind needs to connect with your surroundings. 

In order to appreciate what we need is difficult if we never take any time away from the overly digitalised world we live in today. It's like fast food for the brain, too much is never a good thing. 

Planning for a Digital Detox

Pick a quiet weekend where you can realistically be offline (not in the middle of a deadline at work for example):  

• You'll need to switch off your wifi & cellular data on your phone & devices to resist the temptation to surf
• Get yourself a newspaper, book or a few magazines  
• Avoid drinking alcohol (this will help you resist the urge to share everything on SM) stock up on teas or bottled water
• Pre-stock the fridge with some fresh healthy food & prepare a few meals from scratch (try using a recipe book!) 
• Plan a few activities, like yoga or running rather than watching stuff on your TV, tablet, laptop or smartphone
• Give yourself a task, one where you need to 'make' something like, repair some clothes, paint the bathroom, bake a cake, organise your wardrobe etc. 

By doing this I hope it will help you realise the time it takes to do the little things and how good it can feel to get the little things done. The sense of achievement of something practical and tangible is very encouraging and makes it feel like you haven't wasted valuable time. 

See how it feels to switch off!

The Reboot 

A digital detox is the equivalent of a reboot.  Even technology needs the occasional refresh and reload. We waste a lot of time online, and being constantly engaged on SM channels can prevent you from doing things that bring about the much needed balance in everyday life .

I have my new found health and sense of self, I know what I need and what I don't. Because I am focused in my health and wellbeing, I am OK with what I look like (first time in ages) and I understand the needs of my own body.  I am more in tune with my emotional needs too. I understand what is in my life, what isn't, and which of those make me feel happy and secure.

With all that taken care of, all the others things in my life really don't seem as complicated anymore. 

Stay fit and stay fresh

Roberta x 

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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Take a moment to reflect and discover what makes you truly happy

Today, I had a lovely catch up with an ex colleague and I was pleasantly reminded about how easy it is to work hard at something when you genuinely love what you are doing.  We discussed life in general and she commented on how happy I sounded. I responded saying that something just clicked for me, and it felt so right for my New Year's Resolution to be about leading a happy balanced lifestyle - not just for a month or two but for the rest of my life. 

In the pursuit of happiness, I have spent the last few months contemplating my life choices and evaluating where my happier moments in life have been. I'm also on a Mind, Body & Lifestyle Transformation Journey, which, not surprisingly, is making it easier to appreciate the times where I am/was at my happiest. 

I've made time to think about when I was at my unhappiest and tried to pinpoint areas that were most likely the reasons for creating such negativity in my life. Chasing money definitely took me down a road which cost me my health, as well as trying to keep up with my peers on the corporate career ladder. Sometimes all it takes is a few moments to think and make a list.

Try thinking back to a time where you were really truly happy:

1. What were you doing? 
2. How much time were you investing in it?
3. Who were you spending time with?
4. Did it feel like a lot of work, or did time fly by?
5. Did you resent waking early or finishing late? 
6. Were you excited or inspired to do more?
7. How did you feel about yourself?
8. Were you taking care of your mind & body?
9. Find a picture of yourself during this time in your life (if you can). 

This next part will probably be easier, because we tend to hang onto negative memories more vividly than happy ones.

Now try thinking back to a time where you were really truly unhappy:

1. What were you doing? 
2. How much time were you investing in it?
3. Who were you spending time with?
4. Did it feel like a lot of work, or did time fly by?
5. Did you resent waking early or finishing late? 
6. Were you excited or inspired to do more?
7. How did you feel about yourself?
8. Were you taking care of your mind & body?
9. Find a picture of yourself during this time in your life (if you can). 

In writing my list, I discovered that I lost:

• Time for myself - I was too busy 
• My figure -  My fitness deteriorated
• Self-esteem - I had self-doubt and constantly needed approval from others 
• My energy - I executed poor diet choices which led an excessive unbalanced lifestyle 
• Sleep - My unhealthy lifestyle impacted my quality of sleep, which then hurt my diet and motivation

Take both of those mental pictures and place them side by side. Even better, use actual pictures of yourself, one from a happy time and one from a negative time. Use the pictures as motivation to help you become your former happy self, or to prevent you going back to the place where you felt most unhappy. 

You can be either one of those people in the pictures. You are in control of who you want to be. 

Happy & Healthy Vs Unhappy & Unhealthy

Confronting my own choices and really trying to understand WHY I have behaved in certain ways has helped me rediscover my own road to personal happiness! There are certain people, places, and environments which are just not healthy for me. Removing myself from these influences has already had such a positive impact on my overall self-esteem and attitude towards myself. 

I found that the majority of my own actions during my periods of lower self-esteem were 
created by my own negative emotions - a vicious cycle that perpetuated the feeling of unhappiness and continued lack of self-esteem. 

I only need to look at my pictures above as a stark reminder that my lifestyle choices really do have an impact on my quality of life, how I feel, behave, and of course how I look. 

You can sit and watch or stand up and join in.

Some people spend their entire life searching for something that makes them happy. And it seems like just the lucky ones get to make a living out of their passion.  But as I'm learning, it doesn't have to be that way.

We are all responsible for our life choices. 

We decide if we are going to eat well, exercise, surround ourselves with people who are positive, or stay in environments that are negative. Making a change can be scary.  It can be a costly transition too. The main thing to stay focused on is the bigger picture. You will get there.  It doesn't matter how many times you try and fail, what matters is where you end up. 

When starting out things may be difficult,  it may cause some short term stress and it may even set you back financially. But just cast your mind back to your happiest memories and remember why you were passionate about life then, refocus yourself to work towards regaining those 'feelings'.  Take a look at that photo, the one where you were happy...

If it was easy to change, everyone would do it. And everyone would be working in a job that they love - and every one would be happy. But then people like me wouldn't have career ahead of them that helps people get back on track and find a healthy, happy life. 

Change starts now...

Being active and healthy, using my sense of empathy and motivational skills, collaborating, seeing the bigger picture, utilising my creativity and innovation are things that make me feel happy in myself and happy around others. When I think back to my 'happy' time I was self employed and doing all of the aforementioned activities on a daily basis. 

Being healthy and having a fit body motivates me, it fuels my passion to help others lead healthier happier lives. In a few weeks from now I will be launching my part-time career in fitness & lifestyle coaching, which I know will make me a happier more balanced person.

Stay fab and focused!
Roberta x 

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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A new found sense of direction - finding oneself

I think a lot of my newfound sense of self and direction is down to my age. 

I used to raise an eyebrow when my friends who were in their thirties would throw around comments like, “Turning thirty really does make you feel differently about yourself - it's like entering a stage of self-acceptance," or "When I was in my twenties, I thought I had it all figured out, but now…" etc. The idea of an almost magical change in the thirties sounded ridiculous.

But actually, since hitting my thirties, I have noticed a difference. Not necessarily about how I think about life, but really on how I see myself. 

What has changed (physically and psychologically) is me. It seems to have been quite dramatic and I didn't even notice it happening. It has happened and I'm OK with it, I'm not as hard on myself to maintain an unachievable vision on perfection. I think the thirties are about self-acceptance, but that's no excuse to let things just go, and blaming it all on age! 

My strategy now is damage control. I need to undo the bad choices I made before my thirties. I want to take care better care of myself from now on.

Of course, I was offered all the usual advice from those older than me. It was all the well-known pearls of wisdom:

·                Eat less processed food

·                Focus on eating 5 fruits and veggies a day

·                Get plenty of protein

·                Don't be a carb junky

·                Drink less alcohol

·                Drink plenty of water each day

·                Eat little and often, not large and late

·                Always moisturise after the bath or shower

·                Always wear SPF 30+

·                Never go to bed without taking makeup off

·                Use a good eye cream

·                Use hand cream

·                Look after your teeth!

Did I listen? Well, let’s just say, I could have heeded the advice better.

So here I am, a thirty-something and my body is now showing my age, all the signs of wear and tear. I've treated my designer shoes and handbags better than my body. 

It's not all bad though, I still maintain a youthful appearance, but the cracks are forming - I just need to moisturise them (apparently!) 

I just wish I hadn't ignored the advice of those before me, I really should have taken better care of my body in my twenties. You can't rewind the clocks, but you can take control of your future.  What things we you told by your elders that you ignored and you wish you'd listen to? Let me know we can add it to the list!  

Stay fab and forever young!
Roberta x

You can see more over on the website at www.robertastylelee.co.uk 

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